Part 66: Chapter Sixty-Five: Westward Excitement
It’s time for some mid-season power up for Jesus and awesome new editors upgrading my grammar. It’s pretty interesting that one editor prefer I use common word, one prefer I preserve my engrish, and one provide me pure high quality English grammars lessons, but he likes my Engrish too.Yes, I know it’s English, so tell me if you miss my Engrish and is the current ratio of English and Engrish in balance?
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Part Sixty-Five: Westward Excitement
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Let’s see if there’s anything going on in the city.
There are lots of people in the city, but the day goes by uneventfully.
[Sigh] No luck today, nothing special happened!
Due to Drunken Justice, every troublemaker was scared away.
Maybe the forest will have a damsel in distress or a bear to wrestle?
The forest is peaceful and quiet, too quiet.
[Sigh] No luck today, nothing special happened!
Due to over hunting by Jesus, the bears are too scared to come out during the day.
So Jesus decides to waste some time reading whatever books he has picked up on his journey.
An epic historical wartime novel, a Buddhism book, and an epic story of Chinese mythology based on the legendary pilgrimage to India of the Buddhist monk Xuanzang.
Let’s read a few chapters (abbreviated) about the monkey king that people are talking about.
A long time ago, a monkey was born from a stone nourished by the Five Elements. He quickly became the king of the monkeys on the mountain.
He soon realized that despite his power over the monkeys, he was still only mortal.
Determined to find immortality, he traveled on a raft to civilized lands, where he was able to acquire human speech and manners through his travels. He eventually found and became the disciple of a Taoist immortal, Bodhi.
Bodhi taught the monkey the art of the Tao, 72 polymorphic transformations, combat, and secrets of immortality, and gave him the name Sun Wukong. However, Bodhi later expelled Wukong due to his overly proud demeanor.
Back at the Mountain of Flowers and Fruit, Sun Wukong established himself as one of the most powerful and influential demons in the world. In search of a weapon worthy of himself, Sun Wukong traveled into the oceans, where he acquired the Golden-banded staff Ruyi Jingu Bang (As Desire Golden-bound Cudgel), which could change its size, multiply itself, and fight according to the thought of its master.
It was originally used by Dà-Yǔ to measure ocean depth and later became the "Pillar that pacifies the oceans", a treasure of Ao Guang, the "dragon-king of the Eastern Seas". It weighed 13,500 jin (8.1 tons). Upon Sun Wukong's approach, the pillar started to glow, signifying that it had found its true master. Its versatility meant that Sun Wukong could wield it as a staff and keep it inside his ear as a sewing needle.
This drove fear into the magical beings of the sea and threw the sea itself into confusion, since nothing but the pillar could control the ebb and flow of the ocean's tides. In addition to taking the magical staff, Wukong also defeated the dragons of the four seas in battle and forced them to give him golden chain mail, a phoenix-feather cap and cloud-walking boots.
Sun Wukong then defied Hell's attempt to collect his soul. Instead of reincarnating like all other living beings, he wiped his name out of the "Book of Life and Death" and with it the names of all other monkeys known to him. The Dragon Kings and the Kings of Hell then decided to report him to the Jade Emperor of Heaven
Fun Fact: The Jade Emperor is the immortal Taoist ruler of Heaven and all realms of existence below including that of Man and Hell, according to a version of Taoist mythology. He is one of the most important gods of the Chinese traditional religion pantheon, but ranks below the Three Pure Ones.
Next Chapter: Havoc in the Heavenly Kingdom
…holy monkey’s gallbladders, this is epic, and this is just five chapters out of a hundred!
Your mastery of Journey to the West increased, it is now 5.
But Jesus has to stop reading; it’s time for some music lessons.
Lady Music.
Jesus, you are here. Come listen to these four trifles.
This is the Tune of Storm
This is the Tune of Rain
This is the Tune of Thunder
This is the Tune of Lightning
Did you memorize the songs?
1) Yes
2) Please play it again.
Then tell me which song this is. *Play Random Song*
1) This is the Tune of Storm
2) This is the Tune of Rain
3) This is the Tune of Thunder
4) This is the Tune of Lightning
#2 and #3 started to sound the same, and it will get harder from here on.
Hmm, very good. I was going to teach you a new tune today, but your mood is not suitable for it, so maybe next time.
Jesus is in a good mood now, but he needs to be in a normal mood to learn this new music kung fu.
Your music increased, it is now 45.
Before fixing the mood, Jesus almost forgot about feeding the monkey king.
I am here Wukong, how are you doing?
Chi cha gugi gugi!
Translation: I am hungry!
1) Medical Care
2) Feed
3) Chat
Jesus ponders what the monkey ate while he is gone…
Ji cha gu ha gu hurr.
Translation: I want alcohol.
1) Water
2) Banana
3) Alcohol
4) Pomegranate
Jesus is pretty certain Wukong wants alcohol, but that’s bad for him so Jesus gives him water instead.
Editor: Stingy bastard, you just want it for yourself.
CHA CHA CHA CHA!
[Sigh] Looks like I did it wrong and now Wukong is not happy.
Your mood worsens!
When you are sad, listen to music.
Lady Music.
Jesus, you are here. Come listen to these four trifles.
This is the Tune of Wind
This is the Tune of Flower
This is the Tune of Snow
This is the Tune of Lunar
Did you memorize the songs?
1) Yes
2) Please play it again.
Then tell me which song this is. *Play Random Song*
1) This is the Tune of Wind
2) This is the Tune of Flower
3) This is the Tune of Snow
4) This is the Tune of Lunar
Now #1, #2 and #3 started to sound the same, where the previous one is just #2 and #3.
Hmm, you are getting better at grasping the rhythm, and you seem to be calm today, which is best for learning this tune of Rhathymia.
Added a special link for those who don’t know what Rhathymia mean.
Thank you, Lady Music.
Don’t forget to practice at home.
Understood.
Your music skill increased, it is now 51
You learned a new type of kung fu
Skill book updated
Our Jesus will use this badass Guqin as the instrument for music kung fu. It is the equivalent of a modern badass guitar.
Since Lady Music thinks Jesus is getting good at music, it’s time to brag to Master Flawless.
Master!
Eh, what is it?
Nothing, just coming to greet you.
Hm. Working hard?
As you instructed, I have been working very hard every single day.
Good, then you won’t mind I check to see how well you are?
Which topic are you testing?
Today I will test your music.
Jesus plays a tune known as Fighting Against Typhoon.
Hmm, not bad. I am pleased to see you working hard, so today I will teach you a new kung fu.
Your relationship with Master Flawless increased
Watch carefully, this is Anti-Demon Staff Style...
The bird is amazed at this elderly person’s capability to move flawlessly like a youngster.
Anti-Demon Staff Style is feral like a rabid tiger, swift like a hawk hunting a fish, which is quick and deadly. Training such style requires quickness and lightness.
Techniques consist of Ghost Beating Zhong Kui, Nezha Selecting Dragon, and Arhat backflip. I hope you will practice more in the future.
All three techniques are named after Chinese mythical deities.
Yes, master!
Jesus heard someone yelling outside.
BIG BROTHER!
Eh? Why are you here?
We grew some veggies, and decide to bring some to big brother.
Oh! Thanks guys!
Big brother, I found this a few days ago when I was chopping wood.
Umm….this looks like a protection talisman…
We thought so too, so we brought it to big brother.
…….you guys are so nice……(why are they treating me so nicely….something is wrong….)
Of course! You are our big brother!
Yes, yes, big brother must be tired from all the daily training, let me give you a good back knocking massage!
I will knock your legs!
I will knock your hands!
I….I….I will knock your head!
……………………………………
Imagine a silly scene of Jesus getting knocking massages by those four.
ENOUGH!
!!!!!
This is too suspicious…
………..
What are you four plotting?
…………..
…...I see……
Save us, big brother!!!
That evildoer guy is strong, we will die!
…then you are telling me to go die!
Course not; you have the protection talisman, so it will change your fate!
Yes, yes, yes, in fact, we helped you relax your muscles, so you won’t hurt as much when you fight!
…you guys…
BIG BRATAH~~~~~~~
Gahhhh! D-don’t hug my leg!!!
Humph! So you four turtles are hiding here!
Wahhaaaahhhh the baddy has arrived!!!
Who are you? How dare you infiltrate Carefree Valley without invitation!
……And who are you? How dare you take such a tone with me?
He is our boss!
Boss?
Th-that’s right! Our boss is really famous!
Known throughout the world!
Chop people’s head off to the ground!
Angry eyes that frighten people!
Dragon among humans, king of dragons…
Carefree Dragon Deity, Jesus.
Editor: That is a badass intro.
Author: Remind me to use that when Jesus wear the shade.
(…these four screwups!)
…what nonsense…which of you wants to die first?
HIM!!!!!
What!?
DIE!!!!!
This is not right; Jesus can’t fight him without a just cause.
“Calm down man, how about a tune of Rhathymia?”
“Die!”
Barely retreating and safely protecting the guqin from harm, Jesus finally gets a good glance at his face.
STOP RUNNING AWAY!
Oh god, he looks like Sun Wukong for some reason, is this fate?
Jesus’ inner fandom explodes and makes him bring out the staff to use the Anti-Demon Staff Style.
This kung fu has a limited range, but damages everyone within the line.
“Look Wukong! Watch me extend this staff!”
“With my chi! But I’m still new at this, so give me a minute to make it better!“
“I am not Wukong! Stop calling me that!”
“Why don’t you use a staff?”
“Because I am not Wukong!”
“Oh look! I figured out how to do the rest of the moves! Now I just need to add my final touch to it.”
“How dare you insult me with this Wukong nonsense!”
“Sorry, what did you say? I was busy adding fire to my kung fu!”
Your Anti-Demon Staff Style mastery increased, it is now 100
All your battle stats increased
Humph! Carefree Dragon Deity! I will be back!
The bird watches the Wukong guy retreat…to the west.
W-we are saved!!!!!
Big brother! You saved us! You are our hero!
You…you are our Great Wall!
You are our lantern!
You are the saint of the world!
…..YOU….ALL…..GET….THE….HELL….OUT…NOW!!!!!
Jesus is pissed that he can’t be friend with the monkey king guy.
Wahhhh~~~~
Your reputation increased, it is now 229
Potential Avatar of the Day
I AM NOT WUKONG!